I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
