Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
