I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
