White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
