i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
