How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
