adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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