dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
