wrigley field is MILF paradise
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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