well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
