Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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