so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
