chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
