Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize