i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize