Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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