What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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