I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
