Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Farmville is her only friend.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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