I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
