It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
