I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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