What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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