My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
