No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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