When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
