I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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