You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
