The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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