WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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