You made me cry and you don't even care
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
