Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
