did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
