what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
