i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
