Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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