that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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