yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Randomize