she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
