Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
