Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
