pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my being single is dangerous.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
