i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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