If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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