Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
