dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize