ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
