I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
