He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize