I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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