I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
