Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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