Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
