Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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