How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
