six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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