I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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