WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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