she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize