Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
