Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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