what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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