I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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