I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
