Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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