I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize