There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
did i just pee glitter
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
